peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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