if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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