Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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