Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
