she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
