Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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