I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
