I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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