my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
