After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
he had hair everywhere except his balls
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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