how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
