with your own penis?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
