we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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