Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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