Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize