oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
