Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
