Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
