So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
