I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
