I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm at about main and main street
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
