Already got asked if we're dating
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
