P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
