sarcasm needs its own font
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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