Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
