We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
