The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Church boner. Awkwardddd
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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