Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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