i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
