you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
