Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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