Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
