I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
