Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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