You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
