you guys were way drunker than both of me
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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