So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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