what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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