Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I still have a little drunk in my system
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
