if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
