Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
ugly people sure do ruin things
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
