remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
