If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
