Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
