ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize