I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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