i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
