I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
