It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
