I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
