So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
