Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
