i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
