When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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