just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
