The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
