why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We talked him into tasing himself.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
