Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
