As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
