i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
pray to the hookup gods
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
