is your mom at the bar?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
