Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
