I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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