this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
