This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
