Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Randomize
